“Hey can I ask you a favor?”
What should I do? Say yes? What if he asks me to do something I don’t want to do? He is a player after all… What is stopping him? I am at his house. He could ask me anything… This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come.
“Yeah, whatcha need?”
Now you’ve done it. You are so screwed…
“Would you mind scooting over a bit? I’m on the edge of the bed.”
“Absolutely. I’m sorry I didn’t even realize. haha. You shoulda asked me sooner.”
She scoots herself over and settles next to him comfortably. He kisses her cheek then goes for a kiss on the lips but is greeted by a turn of the head in the other direction. She watches George Lopez without seeing any of it.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Huh?”
“You’ve been thinking something since we got here, but I don’t know what? Are you that uncomfortable being at my house?”
Yes
“No… I uh…”
She looked back to the Lopez family crisis thankful they saved her from telling her thoughts. She started to blink heavily and felt a kiss on the neck from the man next to her.
“Hey.”
She knew when he said hey that meant he wanted her to look over and then she would get kissed. But she didn’t want to kiss him. She just wanted to lay there. She thought of the other him… The last time she let something happen that she didn’t want to do. She felt the emptiness. She didn’t want to think about it anymore.
He’s gone. We can’t think about him anymore. You know that.
She turned to him slightly. They began to kiss. Softly and sweetly as old friends do when they try to forget what’s around them. They kissed like lovers and friends and childhood sweethearts. They kissed for the moment she would leave. They kissed as people do when something is going to last forever… But forever isn’t a very long time.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I really don’t want to. I hate words.”
“I thought you were good with words. Aren’t you a poet and you don’t even know it?”
Man I hate that line.
“Blah…You are so corny.”
“Oh yeah I forgot about that. You don’t like the corny.”
“Haha. No I don’t mind it that much. I’m just teasing you.”
I wish it were the other other him… He never asked what I was thinking. Though he was never thinking anything. That’s why I like the one I’m with better… He has a mind… He has thoughts… He’s a lot more like a person than a machine programmed to reach a certain goal.
“You want anything to drink?”
Don’t offer me alcohol. Don’t offer me alcohol. Please don’t offer me alcohol.
“Like a water or something?”
“Yeah. Water would be great actually.”
Ask him about the bathroom. Come on don’t be such a wimp. Just ask… Come on I really have to pee so just ask him!
“Could I use your bathroom?”
Gosh you sound and look so stupid.
“Yeah sure. It’s over there. Make sure you lock the other bathroom door.”
“Okay, thanks.”
After using the bathroom and before he came back she looked at herself in the mirror. She never wore much makeup. She didn’t like the fake-ness of skin with it on. Now she wished she looked… Different. She looked so average. Not even a good average. Just the sort of average that gets ignored in a crowd and is called pretty instead of beautiful or hot. She looked cute. As she looked into her own eyes she saw all of her memories. She saw all the people who had ever looked into her eyes and said something in response. She missed them. She missed them all at the same time. She wanted them all back. She wanted every moment. She would take any moment over this one.
Her hair was teased and messy from laying on his pillow. She flipped it over to one side in a sad attempt to feel more attractive. It only made her think of the other other him again. At that moment he walked back into the room. She quickly turned back into the room and decided to sit cross legged in the middle of the bed instead of laying down.
He gave her a water bottle.
“I can sit like that too.”
He sat down to her cross legged with his knees touching hers.
“Not as well, but I can.”
She smiled then noticed an interesting look on his face.
“What are you thinking?”
“A few things.”
“Like what?”
He made an attempt to change the subject. She pulled him closer to him and put her lips near his.
“Don’t try to change the subject. Tell me. I would really like to know what you’re thinking… Please?”
“What I can’t just do what you do and get distracted so I won’t have to tell you?”
“No. You have to tell me. Then I’ll tell you what I was thinking earlier.”
“Just thinkin kinda what you were saying earlier about how it hits you sometimes that we’re older now. I just think of the other person that I knew as a little girl who bullied her little brother sometimes and tattled on her older brother all the time to get him in trouble.”
She smiled and was satisfied.
“And what else?”
“Just thinking for not having a plan I think this night turned out to be pretty fun. Don’t you think?”
“Yeah I guess. It was really chill.”
He smiled and went in for a kiss. She pulled back after just one.
“What was the other thing?”
“What other thing?”
“The other thing you were thinking about? You said you were thinking about a few thing and that was only a couple. What was the other thing you were thinking of?”
“Darn. Stupid words.”
He looked back to George Lopez. He thought it would be a good means of escape, but George could not stop her from asking again. She pulled him near and looked into his eyes demanding an answer.
“You’re so stubborn.”
A flash of a memory popped into her head from earlier that summer when the other him told her she was stubborn in a good way…
“Stop trying to change the subject. What were you thinking?”
“You know you never told me what you were thinking earlier.”
“I told you I’d tell you after you told me about what you were thinking. Once you’re finished I’ll tell you.”
“Okay…”
She could tell he was very reluctant to say what was on his mind and she worried. She remembered the last time…
I hope he doesn’t ask me to do something I don’t want me to do. He’s going to try to have sex with me. I mean I finally did come home with him. Why wouldn’t he expect my position to change on that too? He is a player after all, but he won’t push anything he doesn’t have permission to do. Just say it already and get it over with.
“I just like you a lot more than I thought I would when we first started hanging out.”
…? Where did that come from?
“Huh.”
“What, what did you think I was going to say?”
“Nothing. I just didn’t expect that is all.”
“What did you think I was going to say?”
“Nothing good.”
She said quickly as she went in for a kiss.
“Wait, what?”
“Nothing don’t worry about it.”
She said as she returned to kissing him.
Do You Love These Words? 